Tuesday, October 13, 2009

big day tomorrow!!

It's finally here. WOW!! I really can't believe that this day is already here. In the beginning months of treatment you feel like this day will never come. Towards the end of treatment you start seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I don't even know how to describe what we feel now. We are excited, scared, worried, nervous, happy, and pretty much any other emotion you can name. It's weird.

I think because of the fever Kaidan had on Friday (which continued off and on for most of the weekend) and the very high blood counts she had, it has added a lot of fear to what I was already feeling. I am still super excited, but there is definitely more anxiety. I'm so worried about getting her labs done tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. Of course, I mostly expect them to be back to normal, but a part of me is nervous that they won't be. It's a hard thing to explain. Every scenario has played out in my mind, and I imagine this will be the case every time we go in for blood draws and check ups after she is all done.

Kaidan is nervous for tomorrow. She doesn't want to have to walk away from us as she goes to the operating room. Unfortunately, this isn't like a back poke where we can stay with her until she falls asleep. This will be difficult for all of us. I can't even imagine the fear she must feel as she goes into a room full of strangers. We have talked about it, she knows what to expect, she knows we'll be waiting for her to wake up and then we'll be right there with her, she has even done it before...but it's still crappy! It's amazing how even with all the greatness of being done with treatment there is still something that no child should ever have to endure. What I want to say is IT'S NOT FAIR!! We should be able to go with her. We should be able to hold her hand until she falls asleep, and then they can move her to a sterile room and do the surgery. That is how it should be!!

Even with all of this...I still know that we are blessed. We are so lucky that this day is here and that after tomorrow Kaidan will be one more step closer to completing treatment! That is a beautiful thing!!

The plan is for chemo in clinic first, then she has to check in to the operating room by 10:30. The surgery should start by noon and I think it's a relatively quick procedure. Hopefully we are finished by 2:00 or so. I'll update tomorrow night with all the details.

Thanks for all the love and support!

1 comment:

Braden and Janae said...

i can't believe it. please update me!