Tuesday, October 5, 2010
oh my gosh, what if...
Today has been a rough day for me...really rough...an on the edge, ready to cry day. For those of you who know me, that's a pretty bad day. I don't cry very often at all.
Here's the story...
Cash has been complaining of leg pain since early last week. The first day was pretty bad, he wouldn't hardly walk. But, as time went on, he seemed better - only complaining periodically. By Friday he was still complaining off and on and Nate thought I should take him to the doctor. (Secretly I felt that way since the first day, but I really have been trying to minimize my thoughts when they start with "oh my gosh, what if...") Anyway, I decided we'd get through the weekend and see how he did. By Monday he was still complaining, so today I called and made him an appointment. I felt somewhat stupid because he is still playing and running around and it's really just sporadically that he complains. But, there I was, sitting in the doctor's office as she's checking him out - I'm telling her how dumb I feel. Then she asks him if his throat hurts...he says no. She tells me his lymph nodes are swollen. I am not kidding - my heart hit the floor. Suddenly my mind is RACING - swollen lymph nodes, random leg pain, more tired than usual, random nausea...
You see where I'm coming from, especially if you are part of the cancer world, right? I was freaking out inside. She ran a strep test and I was praying for it to be positive, but...NO. So she says we really need to have his hips xrayed, just to make sure...and I may as well get some blood tests done while I'm up there, you know, just to make sure...
Well, here we are at the end of the day, not all of his labs are back, but his CBC is and it's normal. His xray was fine. I do have to say that Cash was so brave! He did not want to get his blood drawn, but when it came time to do it he was such a strong, little man! Not a single tear! (is that how you spell tear? it looks weird) Anyway, the rest of the lab results should be back by tomorrow or Thursday, but so far so good! I cannot even explain the relief I am feeling right now; oh wait, now he's telling us his back hurts...real bad, and his leg is still bugging him, and his glands are still swollen! (This is where I let out a HUGE sigh....) I am so done with this being my life. I want aches and pains to be growing pains, I want a cold to be a cold, a bloody nose to be because it was picked, an extra nap to be because of a long day of playing, I want a fever to be a simple virus, a stomach ache to be because you ate your dessert too fast; you get the picture. But that will never be our life again. I try, I really do. We minimize most of the complaints that our kids give, because they usually are all those "normal" things, but in the back of our minds there is always that voice saying "oh my gosh, what if...."
The day wasn't all bad, we did get to go to the pumpkin patch with my grandma and some cousins after we were done at the hospital - that was fun, even though the trip started with Kaidan in the outhouse, crying that she just wanted to go home because her stomach pain was absolutely unbearable, but after a few minutes she felt better. (Here is another HUGE sigh...)
So, a good ending to a bad day.... I am thankful for that, so I'll stop complaining now :)
I really am grateful for all the good things, but I am going to be honest, there are days I wish so much that this wasn't our lot in life. I would love to be "normal", but I'm pretty sure I'm slightly psychotic and I think I'm going to blame childhood cancer for that.
Here's the story...
Cash has been complaining of leg pain since early last week. The first day was pretty bad, he wouldn't hardly walk. But, as time went on, he seemed better - only complaining periodically. By Friday he was still complaining off and on and Nate thought I should take him to the doctor. (Secretly I felt that way since the first day, but I really have been trying to minimize my thoughts when they start with "oh my gosh, what if...") Anyway, I decided we'd get through the weekend and see how he did. By Monday he was still complaining, so today I called and made him an appointment. I felt somewhat stupid because he is still playing and running around and it's really just sporadically that he complains. But, there I was, sitting in the doctor's office as she's checking him out - I'm telling her how dumb I feel. Then she asks him if his throat hurts...he says no. She tells me his lymph nodes are swollen. I am not kidding - my heart hit the floor. Suddenly my mind is RACING - swollen lymph nodes, random leg pain, more tired than usual, random nausea...
You see where I'm coming from, especially if you are part of the cancer world, right? I was freaking out inside. She ran a strep test and I was praying for it to be positive, but...NO. So she says we really need to have his hips xrayed, just to make sure...and I may as well get some blood tests done while I'm up there, you know, just to make sure...
Well, here we are at the end of the day, not all of his labs are back, but his CBC is and it's normal. His xray was fine. I do have to say that Cash was so brave! He did not want to get his blood drawn, but when it came time to do it he was such a strong, little man! Not a single tear! (is that how you spell tear? it looks weird) Anyway, the rest of the lab results should be back by tomorrow or Thursday, but so far so good! I cannot even explain the relief I am feeling right now; oh wait, now he's telling us his back hurts...real bad, and his leg is still bugging him, and his glands are still swollen! (This is where I let out a HUGE sigh....) I am so done with this being my life. I want aches and pains to be growing pains, I want a cold to be a cold, a bloody nose to be because it was picked, an extra nap to be because of a long day of playing, I want a fever to be a simple virus, a stomach ache to be because you ate your dessert too fast; you get the picture. But that will never be our life again. I try, I really do. We minimize most of the complaints that our kids give, because they usually are all those "normal" things, but in the back of our minds there is always that voice saying "oh my gosh, what if...."
The day wasn't all bad, we did get to go to the pumpkin patch with my grandma and some cousins after we were done at the hospital - that was fun, even though the trip started with Kaidan in the outhouse, crying that she just wanted to go home because her stomach pain was absolutely unbearable, but after a few minutes she felt better. (Here is another HUGE sigh...)
So, a good ending to a bad day.... I am thankful for that, so I'll stop complaining now :)
I really am grateful for all the good things, but I am going to be honest, there are days I wish so much that this wasn't our lot in life. I would love to be "normal", but I'm pretty sure I'm slightly psychotic and I think I'm going to blame childhood cancer for that.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
another long winded post....sorry :)
Kaidan had her monthly check-up this week and it went well - her blood counts look good, she looks great, and I think the doctors are pleased. For me, it's been a rough couple of weeks as far as Kaidan goes. Her tummy pain is getting worse and worse - you should have seen her tonight. It's unreal and heartbreaking to watch the wave of pain come over her. She can be fine one second and the next she has intense pain, so bad that she can't stand to have anything around her waist so she'll use her hands to pull the waistband of her pants and unders out. It is so sad. The other day I almost took her to the ER because she couldn't stand the pain, but then it goes away, almost as quickly as it came. I feel like the doctors don't really believe that it's this bad, because of course, they don't ever see these episodes. We have been in contact with the GI doctor and I am hoping we get something figured out soon - most likely it will involve removing her gallbladder. We were leaving that as a last resort, but I think we're there.
She has also been having some pretty bad headaches. They come on about the same as the tummy pain, very suddenly, but she usually needs tylenol, an ice pack, and a nap to get rid of them. We have an appointment with a neurologist in December - that was the soonest they could see her :( but I'm keeping a log of her headaches until that time, so hopefully they will be able to see that I'm not making it up.
I can understand why it's so hard for them to believe me - Kaidan has always put on a real good show for the docs. I can remember when she had the flu in 2008, fever over 105 and she was sitting up in bed making melt beads. I remember the doctors and nurses saying she looked way too good for a kiddo with the flu, let alone a kid with the flu in the middle of cancer treatment!
Anyway, I'm just hoping they can get it all figured out. I want her to feel good. Of course, I get nervous. I try hard to talk myself out of "that thought"... but, it's a daily challenge, especially when she has these episodes. I read an article the other day that 90% of kids with t-cell ALL go into remission, but at least 30% of those kids will relapse. That is hard to hear, especially because t-cell relapses are in the spinal fluid a lot of the time and one symptom of that is...headaches...ugghh! I don't feel that Kaid is in that situation right now - I think these effects are just remnants of 3 years of poison being pumped into her little body - but there is a fine line between being optomistic and realistic and I'm constantly bouncing around both sides of that line.
September is CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH! I am so excited because this is the first year that I have seen and heard so much about it! (I'm sad because I wish we didn't need a childhood cancer awareness month, but excited that word is getting out because we do need one, whether we like it or not) This Saturday I know of a bake sale for Cookies for Kids Cancer (1500 E. 1300 S. SLC) and a lemonade stand honoring Millie for Alex's Lemonade Stand (2345 E. Lambourne Ave. SLC). SO COOL! If you have a chance Saturday, visit one or the other (or both!) of these - not only to support childhood cancer research, but also to support the families that are doing the fundraiser. From our experience, I can say that I know it is soooooo important for families to feel supported when they do things like this (I really cannot stress the SO enough).
Thanks for listening to me ramble, as usual. I need to update more often to make these posts more reader friendly!! I do just want to finish with a couple of requests. I know a lot of you have prayed for our family, maybe you still do, but if you could add a couple of families to your thoughts and prayers I would really appreciate it. Devan and Chase. Both boys are fighting for their lives - lives that have been robbed by cancer. Please pray for comfort for them and their families. Also, please pray for Mrs. Bull and her family. Thank you.
a side note about the rest of us Sudbury's...
Nate will be having surgery in November for his sinuses/tonsils/and anything else you can think of in his mouth/nose area. He will be down for 10-14 days and it sounds like a horrible surgery. Sorry Nate, but I'm glad it's you and not me ;)
I will be having surgery October 6th for my knee, which I dislocated again last week. They will be fixing me up with a cadaver ligament...thank you young healthy person for donating your ligament to me :) P.S. Be an organ/tissue donor!! You never know what someone may need.
Preslee is sluffing school for soccer tomorrow - she's pretty excited about that...am I a good mom or what?
Cash had a rough day, he had to get a shot at the doctor and got his hand stuck in an elevator door. On a good note, he is growing like crazy - he has gone from my little premie in the NICU to a strapping 4 year old boy! He's in the 70th percentile in weight and 85th percentile in height!! Can you believe that?
Porter hasn't done anything to crazy to write about these last few weeks, but he's terrific anyway! He is just too cute. He has been running a fever for the last 2 nights, no other symptoms, just a fever. The pediatrician told me today that rosiola is going around - I guess we'll find out in a day or two if that is the cause of his fever because with rosiola you have a fever for a few days and then you get a rash when the fever breaks. Kaidan had it when she was a baby.
Thanks for checking in....
She has also been having some pretty bad headaches. They come on about the same as the tummy pain, very suddenly, but she usually needs tylenol, an ice pack, and a nap to get rid of them. We have an appointment with a neurologist in December - that was the soonest they could see her :( but I'm keeping a log of her headaches until that time, so hopefully they will be able to see that I'm not making it up.
I can understand why it's so hard for them to believe me - Kaidan has always put on a real good show for the docs. I can remember when she had the flu in 2008, fever over 105 and she was sitting up in bed making melt beads. I remember the doctors and nurses saying she looked way too good for a kiddo with the flu, let alone a kid with the flu in the middle of cancer treatment!
Anyway, I'm just hoping they can get it all figured out. I want her to feel good. Of course, I get nervous. I try hard to talk myself out of "that thought"... but, it's a daily challenge, especially when she has these episodes. I read an article the other day that 90% of kids with t-cell ALL go into remission, but at least 30% of those kids will relapse. That is hard to hear, especially because t-cell relapses are in the spinal fluid a lot of the time and one symptom of that is...headaches...ugghh! I don't feel that Kaid is in that situation right now - I think these effects are just remnants of 3 years of poison being pumped into her little body - but there is a fine line between being optomistic and realistic and I'm constantly bouncing around both sides of that line.
September is CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH! I am so excited because this is the first year that I have seen and heard so much about it! (I'm sad because I wish we didn't need a childhood cancer awareness month, but excited that word is getting out because we do need one, whether we like it or not) This Saturday I know of a bake sale for Cookies for Kids Cancer (1500 E. 1300 S. SLC) and a lemonade stand honoring Millie for Alex's Lemonade Stand (2345 E. Lambourne Ave. SLC). SO COOL! If you have a chance Saturday, visit one or the other (or both!) of these - not only to support childhood cancer research, but also to support the families that are doing the fundraiser. From our experience, I can say that I know it is soooooo important for families to feel supported when they do things like this (I really cannot stress the SO enough).
Thanks for listening to me ramble, as usual. I need to update more often to make these posts more reader friendly!! I do just want to finish with a couple of requests. I know a lot of you have prayed for our family, maybe you still do, but if you could add a couple of families to your thoughts and prayers I would really appreciate it. Devan and Chase. Both boys are fighting for their lives - lives that have been robbed by cancer. Please pray for comfort for them and their families. Also, please pray for Mrs. Bull and her family. Thank you.
a side note about the rest of us Sudbury's...
Nate will be having surgery in November for his sinuses/tonsils/and anything else you can think of in his mouth/nose area. He will be down for 10-14 days and it sounds like a horrible surgery. Sorry Nate, but I'm glad it's you and not me ;)
I will be having surgery October 6th for my knee, which I dislocated again last week. They will be fixing me up with a cadaver ligament...thank you young healthy person for donating your ligament to me :) P.S. Be an organ/tissue donor!! You never know what someone may need.
Preslee is sluffing school for soccer tomorrow - she's pretty excited about that...am I a good mom or what?
Cash had a rough day, he had to get a shot at the doctor and got his hand stuck in an elevator door. On a good note, he is growing like crazy - he has gone from my little premie in the NICU to a strapping 4 year old boy! He's in the 70th percentile in weight and 85th percentile in height!! Can you believe that?
Porter hasn't done anything to crazy to write about these last few weeks, but he's terrific anyway! He is just too cute. He has been running a fever for the last 2 nights, no other symptoms, just a fever. The pediatrician told me today that rosiola is going around - I guess we'll find out in a day or two if that is the cause of his fever because with rosiola you have a fever for a few days and then you get a rash when the fever breaks. Kaidan had it when she was a baby.
Thanks for checking in....
Monday, September 6, 2010
school days and childhood cancer awareness month!!!
Man, oh man! I am horrible at keeping this journaling thing up. Life seems to be flying by, which isn't all bad I suppose.
First off...HopeKids...an awesome foundation! They provide activities all year long for us to look forward to. We will be doing an adventure walk and 5K next Saturday, helping them raise money so they can continue providing all the fun stuff for Utah's Hope Kids and their families. Please visit our fundraising page www.firstgiving.com/mysteesudbury and donate a couple of dollars. We'd really appreciate your support.
First off...HopeKids...an awesome foundation! They provide activities all year long for us to look forward to. We will be doing an adventure walk and 5K next Saturday, helping them raise money so they can continue providing all the fun stuff for Utah's Hope Kids and their families. Please visit our fundraising page www.firstgiving.com/mysteesudbury and donate a couple of dollars. We'd really appreciate your support.
Second...September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. So many activities will be taking place to raise awareness for childhood cancers. I challenge all of you to learn more about childhood cancer. Spread the word, one day we need gold to be as prevalent as pink! Check out some of these links:
http://www.46mommas.com/ - 46 moms shaving for the brave to benefit http://www.stbaldricks.org/
http://www.curechildhoodcancer.ning.com/
http://www.cookiesforkidscancer.org/
www.glad.com/gladtogive
http://www.goldthenewpink.net/
We are all doing pretty well. It's nice to have been able to enjoy a "normal" summer. Even though we didn't take any vacations or do anything out of the ordinary, we had a summer with no chemo, few doctor appointments, and no inpatient hospital stays. It's been 3 years since we've had that!! I can so vividly remember June 25, 2007 - it's forever etched in my brain - it was the beginning of a summer I wouldn't wish on anyone. Our summer is ending this week - Cash starts preschool tomorrow and the girls will start 3rd and 5th grade on Thursday! I will have 3 hours a day, 3 days a week with just Porter. He'll be bored out of his mind for sure!
Nate is doing well. He's recovered from his melanoma surgery and will probably be having a surgery on his tonsils/sinuses/etc. in the next couple of months. Hopefully he'll recover quickly and it will help him breathe better and give him some relief with his sleep apnea.
I'm doing great. I just had a little surgery that "officially" marks our family as complete - a bittersweet decision that we decided to make. It will be nice to move on in life and see how things change as we go from diapers to homework, but it's sad at the same time.
Preslee is doing great and loving soccer. She has played 3 games this season so far, 2 wins and 1 tie. She's the goalie for her team and both of their wins were shut-outs! I think she's pretty excited about school starting too, although it's hard to tell for sure because she doesn't say very much. She spends a lot of time in her room, listening to music and reading. I wonder often how the last 3 years has affected her. It's hard to know if she's just growing up, becoming a young lady - or if there are underlying issues. Time will tell I'm sure.
Kaidan is doing well, but still struggling with stomach issues, as always. We will be running more tests this week to see if there is anything else we can do. She has also caught a bug of some sort this in the last few days. She's been running a fever and had a cough. Hopefully it passes before school Thursday. I have felt so much better about her future the past couple of weeks. I don't know what the change is, but I've just found myself worrying less about her health. I doubt the underlying fear of the unknown will ever go away, but hopefully it continues to minimize as the months pass. She has been off treatment for 10 months now! I cannot believe it has been that long!
Cash is doing great. He's becoming quite the young man. I can't believe he's starting preschool and kindergarten is just next year! Time flies! I think he's having a growth spurt right now, because he is constantly hungry. I'm starting to worry about how I'm going to afford to feed two growing boys - they already eat us out of house and home (I'm not sure what that even means)! He is a sweet boy, most of the time ;)
Porter is growing up too. We're still working on the potty training, but he's a pro on Cash's old bike with training wheels. He's become quite the daddy's boy this month too! He seems to have more personality everyday and he's quickly learning to become a tease...just like the rest of them! (With the exception of Preslee, all the kids love to tease...Nate, where did they learn this?)
Thanks for checking up on us. We are still so grateful for all of your love and support over the last 3+ years. Please keep loving us and including all families with suffering kids in your thoughts and prayers. Specific kiddos I'm thinking of now are Chase, Devan, Shea, JP, Nikki, Carson K, Carson M, Millie, Cami, and Jadon. It's too many kids! Please help us raise awareness...CHILDHOOD CANCER IS NOT RARE!!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Seriously...July is almost over???
Is time flying or what? It seems like every year goes by faster than the one before. I can't keep us this year. Cash is going to be 4 on Sunday!! Wow, it does not seem like it was that long ago when we couldn't hold him because he was in the NICU, in a little box to keep him warm, and all we could do was stick our hands in to touch him. I remember feeling so sad at the hospital because I was super lonely and I just wanted to hold my baby (he was at Primary's and I was recovering from the C-section at Alta View). So many emotions at that time...I thought things couldn't get any worse (there was nothing like going home from the hospital without a baby), but I was quickly reminded that they can always get worse...at least I knew he'd be coming home eventually...I remember seeing the little bald kids across the hall from the NICU and thinking how glad I was that this was ALL we were up there for. Nate and I talked about how grateful we were that Cash was getting better each day and that we would never be able to handle what those other families were going through......
Who could have guessed!! Who would have ever thought that only 9 short months later we'd be one of "those families"? But, look how far we've come - Cash is almost 4 and Kaidan is almost 9 months out of treatment! Amazing...
Cash is doing great! He's a PRO on his bike WITHOUT training wheels. He actually rode his bike all the way to my grandmas house last weekend (it was a tough ride - I barely made it). He wants everything that he sees on commercials and he loves to tease and torment Kaidan. He's growing up so, so fast. He loves to play outside, loves bugs, dirt, water, and all things BOY!! Such a little man!
Porter is doing well too. He has a vocabulary that constantly amazes me and his eyes can melt your heart! I had him into the doctor this week for an eye infection and he does NOT enjoy getting the eye drops, but other than that he is doing great. We're still working on the potty training, I'm not really pushing it, but hopefully he'll be out of diapers before I need to buy them again :)
Preslee is awesome as always! She will be starting 5th grade this year!! I can't believe she is getting so old - what does that say about my age? She's had one soccer tournament this summer - her team took 2nd place. They have a 4 v 4 tournament this weekend and the regular season will start the end of August. She loves it so much!! I'm so glad that she has something she is so passionate about in her life. I'm also very grateful for my sisters who keep her overnight on the days she has practice so I don't have to worry about getting her there! It's at 8 in the morning and we only have one car, so it has been a challenge working everything out, but luckily they help me on a daily basis!
Kaidan is doing well. We had her monthly check-up with the oncologist yesterday and it went fine. We had a little scare this month because she has not really been feeling well. She had a lot of random pain, especially in her head, she ran a low grade fever for several days with no cause, and she was having lots of tummy troubles again. I think I'm the only one who all of this scares, but can you blame me?? Her blood counts were good, her weight is not really increasing, but it is holding steady, and she's had a major height spurt, which is great! The doctor reassured me that she's okay, although I'm still nervous. I don't know if this will ever get easier. I am so constantly worried that there is something brewing in her little body. It's frustrating because Kaidan puts on a great show out in public. She perks up and bounces around like nothing is wrong. She looks great and all in all she IS doing great. But...at home she is overly tired, always dealing with some ache or pain, her tummy almost always bothers her, and she just generally doesn't feel good. I think she feels okay, but I don't know that she ever feels great. I just want her to feel FABULOUS, but that is taking so much longer than I expected. All in all she is doing well, progressing along and recovering from years of toxins being pumped into her little body. I am grateful for where we are and how far we have come.
Nate is doing well. He's recovered from his surgery and he is getting better (sort of) at wearing his CPAP. I imagine that it's extremely uncomfortable and definitely a nuisance, but I still wish he was more serious about it. We all worry about him and I know he'd feel better if he could wear it more consistently. So, I'll keep nagging him and I'm sure he'll keep getting mad at me, but hopefully within the next couple of weeks he'll get completely use to it and be wearing it regularly.
I'm doing good. I quit my job because of the stress it was putting on everyone, especially me. I spend time every day looking for jobs, and hopefully I can find something soon that will work for our family. We really need the extra income.
The ducky derby is coming up quick, so if you can, please sponsor a ducky...you could win $15,000 towards a new car...someone has to win! Also, please keep all the little kids battling right now in your thoughts and prayers. A few I'm thinking about often right now are JP, Devan, Millie, and Cami. It's not fair...no one should have to go through this...especially not a child. Also, Elliott's mama...she has had a few rough days dealing with her grief. Thank you...
Who could have guessed!! Who would have ever thought that only 9 short months later we'd be one of "those families"? But, look how far we've come - Cash is almost 4 and Kaidan is almost 9 months out of treatment! Amazing...
Cash is doing great! He's a PRO on his bike WITHOUT training wheels. He actually rode his bike all the way to my grandmas house last weekend (it was a tough ride - I barely made it). He wants everything that he sees on commercials and he loves to tease and torment Kaidan. He's growing up so, so fast. He loves to play outside, loves bugs, dirt, water, and all things BOY!! Such a little man!
Porter is doing well too. He has a vocabulary that constantly amazes me and his eyes can melt your heart! I had him into the doctor this week for an eye infection and he does NOT enjoy getting the eye drops, but other than that he is doing great. We're still working on the potty training, I'm not really pushing it, but hopefully he'll be out of diapers before I need to buy them again :)
Preslee is awesome as always! She will be starting 5th grade this year!! I can't believe she is getting so old - what does that say about my age? She's had one soccer tournament this summer - her team took 2nd place. They have a 4 v 4 tournament this weekend and the regular season will start the end of August. She loves it so much!! I'm so glad that she has something she is so passionate about in her life. I'm also very grateful for my sisters who keep her overnight on the days she has practice so I don't have to worry about getting her there! It's at 8 in the morning and we only have one car, so it has been a challenge working everything out, but luckily they help me on a daily basis!
Kaidan is doing well. We had her monthly check-up with the oncologist yesterday and it went fine. We had a little scare this month because she has not really been feeling well. She had a lot of random pain, especially in her head, she ran a low grade fever for several days with no cause, and she was having lots of tummy troubles again. I think I'm the only one who all of this scares, but can you blame me?? Her blood counts were good, her weight is not really increasing, but it is holding steady, and she's had a major height spurt, which is great! The doctor reassured me that she's okay, although I'm still nervous. I don't know if this will ever get easier. I am so constantly worried that there is something brewing in her little body. It's frustrating because Kaidan puts on a great show out in public. She perks up and bounces around like nothing is wrong. She looks great and all in all she IS doing great. But...at home she is overly tired, always dealing with some ache or pain, her tummy almost always bothers her, and she just generally doesn't feel good. I think she feels okay, but I don't know that she ever feels great. I just want her to feel FABULOUS, but that is taking so much longer than I expected. All in all she is doing well, progressing along and recovering from years of toxins being pumped into her little body. I am grateful for where we are and how far we have come.
Nate is doing well. He's recovered from his surgery and he is getting better (sort of) at wearing his CPAP. I imagine that it's extremely uncomfortable and definitely a nuisance, but I still wish he was more serious about it. We all worry about him and I know he'd feel better if he could wear it more consistently. So, I'll keep nagging him and I'm sure he'll keep getting mad at me, but hopefully within the next couple of weeks he'll get completely use to it and be wearing it regularly.
I'm doing good. I quit my job because of the stress it was putting on everyone, especially me. I spend time every day looking for jobs, and hopefully I can find something soon that will work for our family. We really need the extra income.
The ducky derby is coming up quick, so if you can, please sponsor a ducky...you could win $15,000 towards a new car...someone has to win! Also, please keep all the little kids battling right now in your thoughts and prayers. A few I'm thinking about often right now are JP, Devan, Millie, and Cami. It's not fair...no one should have to go through this...especially not a child. Also, Elliott's mama...she has had a few rough days dealing with her grief. Thank you...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I have so many things to update on and not nearly the time or energy to do it, but I really feel like I need to update, it's been almost 2 months!! I guess I really am not capable of keeping an up to date journal!
Time is flying by and lots of things have happened in our family, which I'll talk about in a minute. First and foremost, however, please take a moment in your days to think about all the families who have little ones struggling or who do not have their little ones to hold anymore and include them in your thoughts and prayers. Sadly, I am reminded on a daily basis that life is not fair, and things can change so very quickly. We have daily reminders that the only thing for certain is uncertainty. A single moment can change everything. So many families are facing difficult times and it's a harsh reality to be a part of.
Secondly, it's Make a Wish Foundation of Utah's ducky derby time again. Many of you who have donated in the past may have received a brochure for this years' derby...you may have opened the brochure and noticed a couple of amazing girls had their picture in it!! How cool is that!! Preslee and Kaidan on 35,000 brochures! Pretty neat stuff. Times are hard, but that doesn't stop life threatening illness from plaguing kids and their families. Please support the MAW foundation, even $5 helps, and of course, you could win the grand prize!! (This year it's $15,000 towards a new vehicle) Personally, I hope we win because we are in need of a new car-Nate's car quit on us and we are officially a one car family-it's NOT working out very well :) But, I will be happy for the winner, which most likely will not be us, but I'd love it if it were someone that we know! So please donate!! (I had trouble setting up a donation page tonight, but I'll get it done, so please search for Kaidan Sudbury and donate under her name. The link is on www.utah.wish.org, it just wasn't working tonight.)
Okay, on to news about us! I'll start with those of us who have had nothing too unusual going on. Porter is absolutely AWESOME!! I love that kid. He's just so mellow and fun to be around. He's a bruiser and I think he'll definitely be doing some serious sports as he grows up-he always has a ball of some sort that he is playing with and he can entertain himself FOREVER just by throwing a ball at the wall and picking it up and doing it again. And...tonight he pooped in the potty for the first time!! (sorry if that's too much info) He's just growing up way too fast!
Cash is pretty awesome as well, and I love him equally! He does create some havoc in my life though! He is going through his terrible twos (yes...he's almost 4)! He is such a handful, but then he'll bring me a dandelion that he picked just for me and he'll give me the sweetest kiss and say he loves me and I just LOVE HIM! Tonight we were working on riding his bike without training wheels-I cannot believe he is getting so big!!
Preslee is doing great. She's on a competition soccer team this year and she is SOOOO EXCITED! She will be the goalie, which she is AWESOME at and she loves! She is such a sweet girl, always helping with the boys and trying to do her best in everything she does. I just love her to pieces. I couldn't make it without all her help.
I am doing good, always tired, but good. I have started a night job to help make ends meet, and it's been a HUGE adjustment. I don't mind the work, but I do not like the job. It's been really tough, but I do have applications in elsewhere and hopefully something else with some benefits or perks will come up soon. I've been struggling for awhile with arthritis-like pain and occasional numbness in my arms and hands. The doctors I've seen have decided I probably have Lupus, but there is really no definitive test that says that is what it is-but that's what they are treating me for. Most of the time it's not a big deal, but I do have occasional flare ups that can be quite painful. For now it's mostly just a nuisance.
Kaidan is doing pretty good. Up until a few days ago I would've said she is doing great, but she came down with a bit of the stomach flu and hasn't been the same since. Needless to say, I am worried. Nate and Cash had something similar, but they were both over it in less than 24 hours. Kaidan is going on 5 days now. She's had a very upset tummy, along with fatigue and fevers. She did have her monthly check up with her pediatrician a few days ago and all was well. Her counts dropped a bit, so her white count was low at 4.7 (i think) and her ANC was 1800. Good counts, but not as good as they have been. She also lost 2 pounds, which is a concern. Hopefully she starts feeling better and I can get out of the "what if" mode. She is such a sweet girl and I just love her so much. She has been through so much, I feel awful that she still has to get these little bugs that seem to always be worse for her than they are for others. Kaidan has always kept little "collections" of things. Usually things that I would consider junk or trash-she has kept ALL (I think) of her hospital bracelets in a little basket in her room since she got sick in 2007 and she counted them the other day. She had 99! So, last week at her blood draw she got her 100th hospital bracelet...WOW!! She has to be one of the STRONGEST people I know, my HERO for sure. We have her follow up at the oncology clinic the end of July and I have some questions for them, but hopefully she is doing well, gaining weight, and her blood counts will have rebounded.
I don't even know where to begin with Nate! He had a small mole on his ear that I hadn't noticed in the past. His biological mother has quite a bit of melanoma in her family, so I told him he better get it checked. Finally, he did, and it turned out to be melanoma! It went quite deep down into his ear and the doctors were a little concerned that the cancer may have spread. So, they have removed 2 inches off his ear and 3 of his lymph nodes in the neck area. Luckily, everything came back clean so he is now just left with 2 different sized ears, a hefty scar behind his ear down to his neck, and a $12,000 hospital bill! (but NO CANCER, so we'll take it!!)He will have to be seen every 4 months for a full body scan to make sure he doesn't have any other growths pop up. CRAZY!! It was a scary couple of weeks, but we are SO HAPPY that it hadn't spread. In addition to the melanoma, after his surgery his sleep apnea problems really surfaced and he had some serious struggles with his oxygen saturations. He ended up overnight in the hospital and tonight he is back for another sleep study. They have told him that he has life-threatening sleep apnea that he MUST take seriously. Hopefully they can get him on the right CPAP and oxygen levels to keep him healthy, ALIVE, and get him feeling good. The poor guy deserves to know what a good night of sleep feels like! I'm really hoping they can help him. Our insurance company is giving us some problems, but what is new? I just would love to have it all fall into place and work out so that he gets the help he needs and it doesn't kill us financially, but we will do whatever it takes to get him healthy whether insurance helps or not. I want him to be around for many more years and the doctors have made it very clear that his situation will not allow that if he doesn't make some changes. It has been a scary time for all of us-I know the kids are worried about him not breathing while he sleeps, especially when I'm at work-so I hope they find some answers tonight to help relieve concerns that we all have had. By the way, I love Nate too! He's a pretty awesome guy when all is said and done! I couldn't have imagined what a great dad he would become 10 years ago, but man oh man!!! he is the best dad in the world! The kids adore him, he is so supportive of them all and so present in their lives-just an AWESOME guy!
I think that sums it up!! If you are still reading...WOW! That was very long-winded. I really will try harder to keep up with my journaling better. As always, thank you for your continued love and support for our family. We couldn't have traveled this bumpy, bumpy road alone. We love you guys all so much!
Time is flying by and lots of things have happened in our family, which I'll talk about in a minute. First and foremost, however, please take a moment in your days to think about all the families who have little ones struggling or who do not have their little ones to hold anymore and include them in your thoughts and prayers. Sadly, I am reminded on a daily basis that life is not fair, and things can change so very quickly. We have daily reminders that the only thing for certain is uncertainty. A single moment can change everything. So many families are facing difficult times and it's a harsh reality to be a part of.
Secondly, it's Make a Wish Foundation of Utah's ducky derby time again. Many of you who have donated in the past may have received a brochure for this years' derby...you may have opened the brochure and noticed a couple of amazing girls had their picture in it!! How cool is that!! Preslee and Kaidan on 35,000 brochures! Pretty neat stuff. Times are hard, but that doesn't stop life threatening illness from plaguing kids and their families. Please support the MAW foundation, even $5 helps, and of course, you could win the grand prize!! (This year it's $15,000 towards a new vehicle) Personally, I hope we win because we are in need of a new car-Nate's car quit on us and we are officially a one car family-it's NOT working out very well :) But, I will be happy for the winner, which most likely will not be us, but I'd love it if it were someone that we know! So please donate!! (I had trouble setting up a donation page tonight, but I'll get it done, so please search for Kaidan Sudbury and donate under her name. The link is on www.utah.wish.org, it just wasn't working tonight.)
Okay, on to news about us! I'll start with those of us who have had nothing too unusual going on. Porter is absolutely AWESOME!! I love that kid. He's just so mellow and fun to be around. He's a bruiser and I think he'll definitely be doing some serious sports as he grows up-he always has a ball of some sort that he is playing with and he can entertain himself FOREVER just by throwing a ball at the wall and picking it up and doing it again. And...tonight he pooped in the potty for the first time!! (sorry if that's too much info) He's just growing up way too fast!
Cash is pretty awesome as well, and I love him equally! He does create some havoc in my life though! He is going through his terrible twos (yes...he's almost 4)! He is such a handful, but then he'll bring me a dandelion that he picked just for me and he'll give me the sweetest kiss and say he loves me and I just LOVE HIM! Tonight we were working on riding his bike without training wheels-I cannot believe he is getting so big!!
Preslee is doing great. She's on a competition soccer team this year and she is SOOOO EXCITED! She will be the goalie, which she is AWESOME at and she loves! She is such a sweet girl, always helping with the boys and trying to do her best in everything she does. I just love her to pieces. I couldn't make it without all her help.
I am doing good, always tired, but good. I have started a night job to help make ends meet, and it's been a HUGE adjustment. I don't mind the work, but I do not like the job. It's been really tough, but I do have applications in elsewhere and hopefully something else with some benefits or perks will come up soon. I've been struggling for awhile with arthritis-like pain and occasional numbness in my arms and hands. The doctors I've seen have decided I probably have Lupus, but there is really no definitive test that says that is what it is-but that's what they are treating me for. Most of the time it's not a big deal, but I do have occasional flare ups that can be quite painful. For now it's mostly just a nuisance.
Kaidan is doing pretty good. Up until a few days ago I would've said she is doing great, but she came down with a bit of the stomach flu and hasn't been the same since. Needless to say, I am worried. Nate and Cash had something similar, but they were both over it in less than 24 hours. Kaidan is going on 5 days now. She's had a very upset tummy, along with fatigue and fevers. She did have her monthly check up with her pediatrician a few days ago and all was well. Her counts dropped a bit, so her white count was low at 4.7 (i think) and her ANC was 1800. Good counts, but not as good as they have been. She also lost 2 pounds, which is a concern. Hopefully she starts feeling better and I can get out of the "what if" mode. She is such a sweet girl and I just love her so much. She has been through so much, I feel awful that she still has to get these little bugs that seem to always be worse for her than they are for others. Kaidan has always kept little "collections" of things. Usually things that I would consider junk or trash-she has kept ALL (I think) of her hospital bracelets in a little basket in her room since she got sick in 2007 and she counted them the other day. She had 99! So, last week at her blood draw she got her 100th hospital bracelet...WOW!! She has to be one of the STRONGEST people I know, my HERO for sure. We have her follow up at the oncology clinic the end of July and I have some questions for them, but hopefully she is doing well, gaining weight, and her blood counts will have rebounded.
I don't even know where to begin with Nate! He had a small mole on his ear that I hadn't noticed in the past. His biological mother has quite a bit of melanoma in her family, so I told him he better get it checked. Finally, he did, and it turned out to be melanoma! It went quite deep down into his ear and the doctors were a little concerned that the cancer may have spread. So, they have removed 2 inches off his ear and 3 of his lymph nodes in the neck area. Luckily, everything came back clean so he is now just left with 2 different sized ears, a hefty scar behind his ear down to his neck, and a $12,000 hospital bill! (but NO CANCER, so we'll take it!!)He will have to be seen every 4 months for a full body scan to make sure he doesn't have any other growths pop up. CRAZY!! It was a scary couple of weeks, but we are SO HAPPY that it hadn't spread. In addition to the melanoma, after his surgery his sleep apnea problems really surfaced and he had some serious struggles with his oxygen saturations. He ended up overnight in the hospital and tonight he is back for another sleep study. They have told him that he has life-threatening sleep apnea that he MUST take seriously. Hopefully they can get him on the right CPAP and oxygen levels to keep him healthy, ALIVE, and get him feeling good. The poor guy deserves to know what a good night of sleep feels like! I'm really hoping they can help him. Our insurance company is giving us some problems, but what is new? I just would love to have it all fall into place and work out so that he gets the help he needs and it doesn't kill us financially, but we will do whatever it takes to get him healthy whether insurance helps or not. I want him to be around for many more years and the doctors have made it very clear that his situation will not allow that if he doesn't make some changes. It has been a scary time for all of us-I know the kids are worried about him not breathing while he sleeps, especially when I'm at work-so I hope they find some answers tonight to help relieve concerns that we all have had. By the way, I love Nate too! He's a pretty awesome guy when all is said and done! I couldn't have imagined what a great dad he would become 10 years ago, but man oh man!!! he is the best dad in the world! The kids adore him, he is so supportive of them all and so present in their lives-just an AWESOME guy!
I think that sums it up!! If you are still reading...WOW! That was very long-winded. I really will try harder to keep up with my journaling better. As always, thank you for your continued love and support for our family. We couldn't have traveled this bumpy, bumpy road alone. We love you guys all so much!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Updates
I was broken hearted yesterday when I woke up to find I had and urgent update email from CarePages. It was an update on Matthew Akin-sadly, he passed away. I only follow a handful of kids, and unfortunately, almost all of them are struggling or fighting for their life right now. Matthew Akin's brother, Andrew, had an immune disorder called HLH with a genetic mutation if I remember correctly. After 3 bone marrow transplants and a long time of fighting, he passed away. Justin and Kristin's other son Matthew had the same gene with the defect and he was actually in the hospital doing his bone marrow transplant when his brother passed away-how hard for their family! I can't even imagine. Now he has gone and I'm sure they are lost. Please visit their carepage www.carepages.com/carepages/babyandrewakin and leave them a message of support or just include them in your prayers.
Also, I'm going to post the link for Luke Jensen and his family. I have mentioned him before, he has AML, he's had 2 bone marrow transplants, but the cancer has returned. Please read their story. They are an amazing family also. www.caringbridge.org/visit/lukejensen
We are all doing well. I am constantly reminded to be grateful for where we are because things could always be worse.
Also, I'm going to post the link for Luke Jensen and his family. I have mentioned him before, he has AML, he's had 2 bone marrow transplants, but the cancer has returned. Please read their story. They are an amazing family also. www.caringbridge.org/visit/lukejensen
We are all doing well. I am constantly reminded to be grateful for where we are because things could always be worse.
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